Safe signals/words

For those who are new to this sort of thing, safe signals are when things get too hot to handle for the sub. These are pre-arranged signals beforehand. It can be a specific word, such as “stop”, or three “mmphs” if gagged. On hearing this signal, any action must be stopped immediately and the sub released from the situation that has caused the distress. I use a set of signals. Three “mmphs” mean something is wrong, but as long as it is fixed, the scene can continue. Four “mmphs” means get me out of here now.

Notes for Dom and Sub:

Sub

You are going to be vulnerable throughout the scene you are playing. You must be totally sure that you can trust the person you are playing with. Never play without the safety net of a safe, even if you have progressed to the stage where you would not use it. It is there for your safety.

Do not be afraid to use your safety signal. It does not matter how long the dom has spent tying you, if you are in trouble you have to get out. I would rather that someone told me that they were in trouble, rather than grinning and bearing it, and ending up injured. This would make me feel bad about hurting them and would make the sub feel bad about the whole experience, because it was not as pleasurable as they thought it would be.

Your responsibilities

It is your job to ensure that what is going to happen to you is safe. You have to make sure that there are going to be no nasty surprises waiting for you after you are helpless. You must be assertive about what you do and do not want to happen. Again, if you feel that these conditions are going to be broken, do not play.

Never be afraid to go over the scene time and time again until you are totally happy about the details. A good dom will respect you for that, rather than resenting it. Predators A tricky subject this. Sure, as in any walk of life, there are predators in this world, as in any other. The only advice I can give is make sure you know the person well enough before you play.

Dom

You have been given a sacred trust. A sub is a precious gift, not something to be taken lightly, and not someone to abuse. Someone is surrendering to you without reservation. You must behave accordingly and not betray this trust. In most cases, you will do this once with a person, but not get another chance!

Your responsibilities

You have rendered someone helpless. They are totally reliant on you. It is up to you to ensure that this person is safe and in no peril. Under no circumstances should you ever leave a bound sub unattended. Your bindings should be secure, but safe.

As a rule, I avoid anything around the neck. Also I am careful with bindings around the torso, for fear of over-constriction. If suspension is being used, make sure it is will not give way. Ensure that there is no chance that any gags will not choke. I always have a pair of safety scissors handy, for unseen emergencies.

I always periodically check that everything is OK. A signal I have adopted is to put my hand into the subs. If everything is OK, they have to squeeze my hand. If they do not, something is wrong, and something must be done. Check that blood flow is still OK by pinching finger or toenails. If the skin behind the nail remains white, then blood flow is compromised and must be rectified.

Try and be organized when capturing someone. When playing a scene, having everything ready and easily to hand makes the scene flow smoothly and adds to the tension. Having to wander off in search of a prop will kill the tension and excitement quicker than you could ever to believe!Also, who is looking after your sub while you are looking for that pair of handcuffs? Don’t be selfish when playing.

As well as being responsible for safety you are also responsible for your sub’s enjoyment. It is a sharing experience. Both You are playing a physical game. Accidents are inevitable. As long as you have taken precautions, it is not going to be serious, God willing.

As long as all limits have been observed, it is not a good idea to point fingers and accuse each other about why something went wrong. Talk about it, work out what happened. That way, that mistake can be avoided next time.

Play Safe!!

Before playing with anyone you have to ensure that there is a mutual trust. As in any game, it takes two to play. Both of you need to participate in the making of the rules of the game, and be 100% committed to not breaking these rules. It is always best to put these rules down in writing, as in a binding contract (excuse the pun). This protects both parties, in the event of any dispute. For both parties, my simple rule is: “If there is doubt, then do not play !”